I made lamb koftes for the girls Angharad lives with. The gallies. I cooked in the kitchen while they were all in the living room playing Mario cart and laughing. They were going out and I didn't want to go out so I just cooked and went to bed without any real interaction. I did a bit of a dance for a while, to an 80s compilation of war reports interspersed with Lucky Star by Madonna.
Ok so. Angharad and her friends came round and I made lamb koftes.
If you wanna know how to make it;
lamb mince and I put it in a bowl. Dun a big bowl. Glass bowl. It has a picture of Wallace and Gromit on it which I've never really understood as that's not really about cooking. Why not a big screwdriver? Or a dogbox?
Theres a bowl and its got all the mince in.
Silas right, when he makes bolognese he makes a big thing of it. I've said to him countless times that I do not think Liverpool have a chance at winning the league. I need to publicly state right here and now that 2 years ago Silas said he might start supporting Arsenal if Liverpool keep being shit. He's the hideous factor.
So Silas when he's cooking, says "it really brings out the flavour when you take the mince and you just squeeze it into a ball and throw it in." it doesn't, it just makes lumps. like fuck it does, it brings out the IDIOT that I live with.
So put the lamb in the bowl. A bit of mint, cumin (does that sound right?) an egg as a binding agent - doesn't matter which kind of egg, small or large, I think it's just important that it has a yolk and lives in a shell. What other spices? Salt and pepper. Oregano chopped up small because it GOES IN. Then I put an onion in, probably not, I don't think I put an onion in because I'm not very good at chopping.
Smooshed it all around into 10 balls of meat. I mean balls. Dip them in flour, to give them a coat. and it keeps them together because you're going to be eating them out of a pitta bread. They are meat balls, they have a form which you want to adhere to. Even if they do roll around your plate. Good for bonfire night.
I fried them in a pan in a little kind of pool of oil. It's like a puddle, its all very very hot. because when you cook them you want them to have a hard coating. They might be big or they might be small. I imagine the cooking time might depend on the size of them. They get all black and burnt, in a nice way. If they're pink and sticky in the middle, it's not their fault, you just put them back on.
Pitta bread I did in the oven. baked'em. Because you can get more in an oven, and it's more authentic. and I kept the heat in by not cutting them in half. Sometimes they release hot air and try to scald you. Pitta bread coming out of the toaster is one of the hottest things in the world. that's science though.
tzatziki - I stripped a cucumber. Shaved it. Cut it in half, scooped out all the seeds and then put it to dry in between some sheets of kitchen paper. If it's too wet your tzatziki will be too watery. Cucumbers and people are 80% water.
Then I chopped up the cucumber really really tiny then put it with more mint even more mint, so thank god we had the mint tree, even though it no longer yields large leaves, it only yields small leaves which Danny says are not so flavourful. Then it was greek yoghurt, and I made too much.
People can put it together themselves, you don't have to worry, and then you just tell em to do one.
Mum: can you eat these last two bits of apple?
Max: do i have to?